Sign-In
Cart
Child Services: They're Coming For You and Your Big Sister Too
Paperback
Series: Rejected Children's Books (Funny Books for Adults)
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Nov 2 2020
Pages: 28
Weight: 0.20
Height: 0.07 Width: 8.50 Depth: 8.50
Language: English
Your house is a mess. A specific kind of mess, at a specific level, that crossed a line someone documented. Child Services has been alerted by a party whose identity is technically confidential but whose timing relative to last Thursday's situation makes certain things clear. They are on their way. This book documents that visit: the professional assessment, the questions, the look at the kitchen, the longer look at the living room, and the longer-still look at the circumstances that led to this moment. Nobody in this book is entirely wrong. Everybody in this book could have done better. The book is honest about that.
Illustrated in cartoon art with the tone of a children's guide to a process that no children's guide has ever actually explained, this adult parody book goes where most things in its visual format won't. It acknowledges that government intervention is a real, funny, terrifying, and entirely relatable concept depending on which week you're having. The social worker is professional. The kids are resilient. The parents are trying. The book does not resolve in the direction of a hug.
This Book IS For:- Adults who grew up in chaotic households and have since developed humor as the primary load-bearing coping mechanism
- Parents who are having a bad month and need to read about a fictional situation significantly worse than their own to feel better
- Fans of dark comedy that does not lose its nerve between the title and the last page
- Gift-givers looking for something to give a new parent that isn't a onesie, a sleep book, or false optimism
- Social workers who bring their caseload into their recreational reading choices and find this insufficiently respectful
- Anyone who would like a formal disclaimer before dark humor clarifying that the views expressed are satirical
- Readers who recently had their own governmental-agency experience and need a few more weeks before laughing about it
- Baby shower guests who bring parenting philosophy books they've annotated in the margins with their own opinions
- Baby showers for the expectant parent who has specifically asked for nothing pink, blue, or soft
- Gag gifts for new parents who appreciate being warned about their near future in a tone that doesn't take itself seriously
- White elephant exchanges where someone in the office has been complaining about the state of their household all year
- Any gift occasion where being remembered as the giver matters more than being considered tasteful
New parent gifts are a massive, well-intentioned, mostly forgettable industry. Enormous volumes of soft, pastel-colored items are gifted each year and absorbed into closets where they become future donations. This book will not be absorbed. It will be read, it will cause a laugh that hits differently given the context, and it will end up on a visible shelf where guests pick it up and ask about it. That is a gift at full utilization. The onesie is already gone.
It costs less than a swaddle blanket that gets used twice. It occupies less space than a diaper cake. And unlike most things given at a baby shower, it acknowledges that parenthood has a chaos component that no amount of registry items can fully address. That honesty alone is worth the price. Child Services understands. They've seen the kitchen.
Also in
Humor
I Can't Believe I Did That: The Game That Gives You Points for Sharing Awkward, Awesome, and Unforgettable Memories: Card Games
Katcher, Neil
Nadelberg, David
Other
The Science Magpie: Fascinating Facts, Stories, Poems, Diagrams and Jokes Plucked from Science
Flynn, Simon
Paperback
Fixing Flamingos: And Other Solutions to the World's Least Pressing Problems
Rea, Brian
Brown, Lucienne
Paperback
How to Be a Cat: (Cat Books for Kids, Cat Gifts for Kids, Cat Picture Book)
Swerling, Lisa
Lazar, Ralph
Hardcover
Peculiar Questions and Practical Answers: A Little Book of Whimsy and Wisdom from the Files of the New York Public Library
New York Public Library
Hardcover
How to Be Okay When Nothing Is Okay: Tips and Tricks That Kept Me Alive, Happy, and Creative in Spite of Myself
Lawson, Jenny
Hardcover
Bake It Off: An Unofficial Taylor Swift-Inspired Cookbook for Every Era, from Breakfast to Midnights
Smith, Lindsey
Hardcover
Big Fan: Two Friends, 82,490 Miles, and the Wild, Wonderful Sports We Love
Schur, Michael
Posnanski, Joe
Hardcover
Black Out Loud: The Revolutionary History of Black Comedy from Vaudeville to '90s Sitcoms
Bennett, Geoff
Hardcover
We Are the World (Cup): A Personal History of the World's Greatest Sporting Event
Bennett, Roger
Hardcover
How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up: Big Lessons from Little Kids
Shapiro-Barnum, Julian
Hardcover
Pardon My Book: Ten Years of the Best (and Worst) in Sports from Pardon My Take
Big Cat
Commenter, Pft
Hardcover
The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Five Novels in One Outrageous Volume
Adams, Douglas
Paperback
There Are Moms Way Worse Than You: Irrefutable Proof That You Are Indeed a Fantastic Parent
Boozan, Glenn
Hardcover
The New Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Expert Advice for Extreme Situations
Piven, Joshua
Borgenicht, David
Hardcover
How to Talk to Your Cat about Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives
Auburn, Zachary
Paperback
Nobody Wants Your Sh*t: The Art of Decluttering Before You Die (New York Times Bestseller)
Condo, Messie
Hardcover