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I'm Sean Connery: A Comedy Play
Paperback
ISBN13: 9781068298233
Publisher: Stevie Faith Publishing
Published: Jan 12 2026
Pages: 150
Weight: 0.34
Height: 0.32 Width: 5.00 Depth: 8.00
Language: English
The name is Bond. James Bond. Or at least it is until the meds kick in.
Welcome to Hammond House, a psychiatric ward where the only thing more dangerous than the patients' delusions is their grasp of 1980s football trivia.
I'M SEAN CONNERY is a riotous, 6-act satirical farce that blurs the line between clinical reality and cinematic fantasy. At the centre of the storm is Ivan Asticov, a patient whose mental health condition leads him to adopt a new celebrity persona every week with 100% commitment. This week, he is Sean Connery-and he's on a mission that the hospital staff can't stop.
From the gritty Q-Branch of the men's toilets-where a janitor presents a new toilet seat as a piece of aerospace technology-to a high-stakes dream sequence featuring the villainous Dr. Blofeld Chap'dArse and the lethal Medicine Finger, Ivan's world is a high-octane spy thriller.
The Chaos:The stakes reach a fever pitch when an official from the Lottery arrives with a 13 million jackpot for a Mr. Sean Connery. Suddenly, every patient in the ward-including the fierce Sean Connery Sisters-claims the identity for themselves. What follows is a whirlwind of mistaken identity, Panini sticker bribes, and a legal standoff that leaves the local police quite literally with their pants down.
Why You Should Read (or Stage) This Play:6-Act Structure: A full-length theatrical tour-de-force that balances rapid-fire dialogue with physical comedy.
Absurdist Satire: A biting look at identity, authority, and the Muppet of the Year competition.
Unique Characters: Featuring a cast of unforgettable misfits, from the inventor of the Arsehole Scratcher to a Bond Girl who thinks she's Purdey from The New Avengers.
Written by Stevie Faith, this is a play where the martini is lukewarm hospital tea, the gadgets are plumbing supplies, and the ending is a punchline you won't see coming.
Sh-mashing. - Ivan Asticov (Probably)
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