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The Story of the House of MaqSwel Haggadah: With Excerpts from the Torah, Talmud, Mishnah and Kabbalah in the Original Klingon
Paperback
Series: Judaism's Mosaic
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Mar 17 2025
Pages: 174
Weight: 0.53
Height: 0.37 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
The story of Passover has never been told like this. From the battle halls of Qo'noS to the coffee houses of Vulcan, Romulus, Bajor, Tellar and Ferenginar, the House of MaqSwel has carried Judaism to the stars - introducing the Qetlop, a weeklong Klingon Passover feast of honor, debate, and combat. Here, the Exodus is not just a story but a way of life for our modern day, a warrior's saga of struggle, strategy, and triumph.
Boldly illustrated with the classic blue-ink line drawings of the original House of MaqSwel Haggadahs by battle hardened baristas, this book seamlessly weaves together excerpts from the Torah, Talmud, Mishnah, and Kabbalah (reinterpreted through the lens of Klingon Jewish tradition, of course). It captures the legendary customs of the Qetlop: a hunt for chametz with flamethrowers, the scapetarg, blades sharpened in Tzipporah's honor, Afikomen battles, mikvahs of fire and ice, and fierce Talmudic duels over Moses' tactics and the many Passover traditions of Earth. It is a tribute to all who wrestle with faith, fight for justice, and drink deeply of knowledge-preferably over a strong cup of coffee.
This year, we celebrate here. Next year, on Qo'noS!
Note: this book does contain AI generated art. Those who finish the 2nd chapter learn how the battle hardened baristas never trained in art, so they relied on crude AI - sometimes with humorous results. Flaws in the actual text, questionable humor, and excellent scholarship are entirely human-made. The author also confesses he did not in fact work with the Klingon High Rabbinical Council. And asks readers to please refrain from actually using matzah as a tactical weapon?CONTENTS:Excerpt from the Klingon Sefer Bereshit
The Founding of the House of MaqSwel
The Story of the House of MaqSwel Haggadah
Excerpt from the Klingon Mishnah Pesachim 10:4
Differences and Similarities in the Klingon Seder: Many Tribes, One People
Excerpt from the Klingon Talmud Eruvin 13b and Avodah Zarah 37a
Alternatives to Matzah: Klingon Foods to try at Home
Battle Jerky (Qa'pla'kek)
Savory Meat Crackers (VeQ'bach)
Blood Soup Base (Qa'vam Sop)
Preparations for the Seder
Excerpt from the Klingon Talmud: Pesachim 7b
the Seder (Qetlop)
Excerpt from the Klingon Talmud: Pesachim 116a
the 8 Questions
Excerpt from the Klingon Haggadah
Kiddush (Shehakol)
Excerpt from the Klingon Talmud: Pesachim 106a & 107a, Bava Batra 97b
The Klingon Shehakol for Kiddush in Hebrew, Klingon & English
Hand Washing
Excerpt from the Klingon Zohar III, 10b
Excerpt from the Klingon Mechilta d'Rabbi Yishmael
Psalm 18:32-34 in English & Klingon
Psalm 29:3-4 in English & Klingon
Karpas
Excerpt from the Klingon Exodus 32:19-20, 26-28
The Blessing of Karpas, in Hebrew, Klingon & English
Afikomen
Excerpt from the Klingon Talmud Pesachim 108a, Pesachim 116a
Psalm 133 in Hebrew, Klingon & English
The Opening of the Doors of Faith
Excerpt from the Klingon Talmud Pesachim 112a, Sanhedrin 98a
Klingon Tikun Olam & Tzedakah to try at Home
Closing of the Doors
Excerpt from the Klingon Sefer Bereshit 32:25-29
After Word: Counting the Stars
Excerpt from the Human Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 98a
Appendix: Klingon Passover at Home - Abridged and Simplified by Klingon Rabbis to Reduce Fatalities
Qul Loyvo: the Cleansing Fire
MeqlaH: Study of Strategy
The Hunt for Chametz
The Matzah
Qetlop
Ghop Nej
Traditional Klingon Passover Battle Cries (Holiday Greetings)
Recipe for Raktajino
Annotated Bibliography
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